At war with myself

So I apparently wrote this about 3 years ago...  Never posted because it was so whiny.  But my, my, my! What a difference can happen!  I'm *still* not looking forward to May.  But I have finally gotten the chance to toss that damn box out the window.  I have *finally* (Oh, and after this post, I searched! Lots, and lots of frogs out there!) found the guy that treats me, and loves me, just the same as I do him.  Maybe not "love at first sight", but definitely that <CLICK> like the key has finally popped the lock.  He heard it, I heard it.  It was truly the scariest moment of my life.  I don't do the whole "I love you" half a week after a date.  I wait. I see. I measure. I debate. I soul search.  I wait a MINIMUM of 4 months of actively dating to see if I really am falling, or if it's just hormones.   But honestly, we were *both* struggling to not say those three terrifying words, within a week.  It's been 2 years (well, one and 11 months) I moved in with him in less than 4 months after our first date. It has been like we've been together for decades, and it was from moment one.  Right into a regular routine, as if it was something we'd always done.  So, even though May sucks.... March is pretty nifty!

*** I've come to the conclusion that aside from one or two occasions contained therein, May is a cruel and heartless month.  My father died in May. Last May, we had to put down our sweet D-dasha D-darlin'.  This May, my sister is no longer engaged, and I am also newly single.  And I am at war with myself over that.
     On the one hand, he wasn't right for me.  But I let the things I did like overshadow the things I didn't.  Because I was tired of being single.  He made me laugh more often than he made me cry, which is good, but he held back so much of himself, and that's not good.  He always wanted me to do for him, but rarely offered to do for me.  He complained about his weight, and gently offered that I might want to do something about mine, yet would always have ice cream, or pizza....  I'm at war with myself, because logically I know I should have ended it long ago, for the reasons above, and more.  And the logic part of my brain is reminding me that he was just not what would truly make me happy and content, instead of just not unhappy.  But the emotional part, the part that tends to get squished down and locked in a box too small and hidden away... She grieves. Grieves for lost dreams.  Grieves for what could have been, what *should* have been, and grieves because she still doesn't understand why no one wants to love her as much as she wants to love.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....

    

 So I have this nifty degree...  And it has done nothing for me.  I mean, I know I live in a college town area and all, but, but... *sigh* I have had only one interview in these two months, and that was a telephone interview that I *thought* went well, but it's been a few days and they are still sending the position out in their newsletter.
     And now my number 2 is safely ensconced in his dorm room 24 tiny miles away from home, but may as well be light years.  I have been a hands on mom for nearly 22 years.  #1 turning 21 was bad enough, but this is my baby.  He's always been more independent, while #1 was always more responsible, almost biddable!  I was a wreck on move-in day.  I made it all the way up until it was time to leave him there...  (DAMMIT!! Who's cutting onions in here?!?!?!)  No, no, I'm fine. Really...  I know he'll be home nearly every weekend, but, now he'll be visiting.  I don't know how to let go.  I've never been precisely good at it.  And there is this stupid commercial with dad pulling "memories" out of the car as he cleans it for his daughter to drive off to college... I'm so glad I get this buffer period before that happens to me!  See, he's getting an associates in Business here at our local community college, and then he's moving away to college where it's too far for him to come home on weekends.  (oh! I think something at dinner might have been a little off...)  No really... I'm fine! IpromiseIthinkprobably.... Did I mention I'm not a real big fan of changes?

     Anyway, the really complicated shawl, has become a less complicated, not as pretty, but still acceptable shawl.  I have overreached again.  The socks, are complicated.  I have a few ideas to try on them. I have discovered that I really don't like making cuff down socks.  I really, really, really dislike the look of the heel on them.  I'm glad I discovered this when making ankle length socks instead of knee highs! I have very nearly finished a baby set for a preggers friend... Sweater, pants, small and larger booties, small and larger bib, burpy blanket, and lined bonnet.  I still have 2 sweaters, and a pile of hats, mittens, and scarves to go!

     Well! That was a wall of text!!!  Thanks for sticking with me!  And as usual...

Thanks for Noticing me!

It's official!

     I am the proud earner of an Associate's Degree with the title, "Applied Science in Business Administration"  Or something like that.

I don't have any of the paperwork proving it yet, and I should be getting one more Dean's List certificate.  College is weird.  I'm not sure it works the same at a physical campus, but...

In high school kids get honor roll, and/or are inducted into the honor society, and I'd never heard of them being charged for the honor, I have repeatedly been "invited" to pay $90 to become a member of some honor society or another.  That's just not right.  

     It has been a whirlwind week.  Two graduation dinners for my #2.  Trying to make sure he does the work so that those dinners weren't a waste of time.  A one year anniversary with the sweetest guy... (most of the time).  Being a contractor-sitter,and taking a two month leave of absence from my job to focus on finding a job with a future.  I took my leave 6 days ago, and haven't stopped since.  I'm *hoping* for a day tomorrow to do nothing.  No homework, no housework, no help work!  Just me, my computer, my yarn, and Amazon Prime video of The Musketeers BBC tv show. (:

So we're driving home from our anniversary dinner and he pulls over to the side of the road, jumps out and starts yanking wildflowers...  This is the result...  How sweet is that?!?!?!  "I had to get flowders for my girlfriend on our anniversary!"  Just so sweet.  I can't even.

So, as usual...  Thanks for Noticing me!

     Yeah, so.  Only six months this time!  I suck.  In my defense, I spend _so_ much time on the computer doing class work, that typing much more makes me a little cross-eyed! But the good news... It's almost over now!  In three weeks, I will have completed my two year degree that I now need to get any job I could have gotten right out of High School had I not been a naive ninny!  I have received either the Deans list or Presidents list honors in every quarter but 2. Both of those quarters were math courses.  Like, straight up math, with formulas and junk.  Urk.

     So let's see.  Ichi didn't make it.  My wonderful, amazing man did.  In three weeks, we will be celebrating a year of being together.  I have made some amazing things... A Skyrim Viking Helmet and detachable beard,  2 more throw blankets, Right now I'm working on my very first pair of socks, and a complicated shawl, so you know.  I think I like to make myself nuts.  Between school, work, family, crafts, and trying to mesh schedules with the Man so we get to spend *some* time together... whew.
   
     Oooh, speaking of... Next weekend I get date night!  One weekend a month he is Not Allowed to work, and we get to do something fun.  Even if it's just one night with pizza and wine and netflix and No Phones, where he doesn't fall asleep in an hour or less..

     Okay, enough is enough.  Hi guys!  There aren't many of you, but you're loyal, and I appreciate it!
As usual,

Thanks for Noticing me!
   

Eleven Months.

 
  I cannot believe it's been 11 months.  Just shy of a year!  Where the heck has the time gone?!  Well, as I mentioned in previous posts, I don't have a lot of pictures.  My photography fun was seriously curtailed by a plethora of issues.  So, let's see...
     In the past year, I received Deans' List honors ever quarter.  The classes have gotten more intense as I went along, so I haven't had as much time to play,  It's funny though.  The first class I took was very gung-ho about teaching us time management, but it wasn't until this most recent class I'm taking about Personal Finance that I've actually started being able to get off my "Let's do things randomly" wagon and really plan out how I'm spending my time.  It may be because the only really big change in my life this year has been the addition of the most amazing man I have ever met, agreeing to see past my incredible stack of baggage and want to share his limited time with me.
     What a comedy of errors that started out as!  You see, I was on a dating site.  I signed up just about the same time, maybe a bit earlier, as starting this here blog.  Now needless to say, when you live halfway to the back of beyond, and you have issues with traveling, and you aren't using a really well known site, the options are truly limited.  I went on 3 first (and only) dates in 4 years, and was chatting casually with 2 guys off and on.  One was fun in a friend kind of way, the way you think "I really like this guy, but thinking about dating him kinda creeps me out".  The other I thought was completely wrong for me.  I smoke, he doesn't, I'm a cat people, he has dogs.  He's a morning person, I'm a night owl, he's a Republican, I'm an Indie... Just total polar opposites, you know?  And I really liked talking with him.  He would ask me out for coffee on a fairly regular basis, but I was terrified to meet him in person because I thought that the real me over cyber -me would send him packing.  Then I hit a very low point.  I had just lost a relationship that although mildly toxic, was one that I had counted on.  Something I thought was permanent.  And even though I was the one that pointed it out and ended it, it was still like *slowly* pulling of a very sticky bandage.  Then I went on a "first and last" with someone that spent a week telling me how great I was, how much he liked me, and then suddenly saying "...it isn't going to work out, bye".
     That was it.  I'd had it.  I was going to officially scare away the last guy to ever show interest in me, and get it over with.  I was just going to be alone for the rest of my life.  Give up.  So this time, when he asked me out for coffee, I shocked him half to death by saying yes.  Well, now we have a small problem.  He had just picked up 2 more jobs.  The man is a workaholic.  Okay, he's not, but he's very aware and responsible.  It had become automatic for him to ask me out, and expect me to politely decline.  He said he didn't expect a yes, but he had to try. I asked why, he told me it was because he was in love with my pictures.  I said that was a silly reason.  He agreed. (:
     Our first date was at a diner.  We agreed on coffee, and fries with gravy, (What? You put gravy on mashed potatoes don't you?) When the waitress asked if we wanted separate bowls of gravy, he said, "Nah, I trust her cooties."  I was really going to hate it when this guy turned around and said he was "not good enough for me"  or "You're so great, I can't be with you"  or whatever other line he was going to use when he ran.  I made no effort at all to hide any of my flaws.  I *wanted* him to run.  We talked until he was 2 hours late for only his third shift at one of the new jobs.  (he dropped that one... for the record) That was the end.  I started calling my cell phone my boyfriend.  It seemed that there was never a shortage of things to say.  Whatever differences we had seemed to not ever get in the way.  I fought.  I didn't want to get invested in this budding relationship.  But he was sweet, everything he said to me he backed up with actions.  See, we'd been talking for 4 years, so he knew a lot of my baggage, and he handles it with care.  I never asked him to tell me his whereabouts, but he always gave me his schedule for the day.  He makes me laugh every single day. He dances with me to no music. He plays with me.  He plays!  Silly fake arguments about nothing at all,  Just anything we can make fun of, we do. He supports my actions, listens to me sort through my decisions, and holds me close whenever he gets near me.
     So why, you ask, do you have to suffer through this novel of a post?  Because everyone else is sick of hearing it, and I can't tell it often enough.  It has only been 5 months, but in that time, we have stuffed a years worth of relationship.  And even though I still worry now and then that something will happen to snatch it away, I'm finally letting myself hope that nothing will.
As usual my dear friends

Thanks for Noticing me!

My Big Idea!

     I had a big idea.  My town is moderately close to an urban area, but is distinctly rural, and nearly 1/5^th of the population here lives under the poverty line. (2012 US Census)  Our children are mostly stuck at home because there really is not anything to do.  In order to get to social events, they need to go an average of twelve miles, one way, to the city.  I believe that if our town had a recreation center for them, they could get out, and get moving more.  I would love to have a place for them to go to get off the video games, and computers to learn things that relate more closely to everyday life when they are grown.  A place for them to do activities that they, and the rest of the community, find fun, and appropriate. 

Harvest Festival at the elementary school

     A quick, unofficial survey of my kids, their friends, and their friends’ friends, tells me that the boys, and even some of the girls, would like to build a parkour (free running) course.  Leggo league, and a robotics club have also been bandied about.  I was hoping for a cooking course, a garden, and things like teaching them how to manage savings, write resumes, and even clean.  No one can say it is not important for kids to learn responsibility, and learning to take care of themselves is the first step.

 

     In order to get this project started, I would need to attend a town meeting and bring it up there.  First though, I would like to find parents to come to our own meeting, to go over what they would like to happen.  It would not make much sense to ask the town to consider it, if no one was going to use it.  I have a small circle of parents that I know, and they are all for it, but I think most of the parents, if not all, should have input on the project.  It’s important that we get as much information as we can as to what the parents want to see their kids doing, and what the kids want to do, and then what we, as a community, can afford.

     Having a center in our own town would mean that no one would have more than an average of 6 miles to drive, with the option to return home while the kids are at play, rather than trying to find something to do downtown .(Google)  It is safer to drive slower, on our roads rather than the main highways, reducing the chances of getting into an accident due to wildlife.  What I hope for is that we can get a lot of donations, and grants to help us.  I want this place to be as close to free as we can get it.  Maybe we could even run it on a sliding scale basis.  How great would that be?

http://www.census.gov/censusexplorer/censusexplorer.html
google.com/search Enfield

2 parter

It seems the more time I have, the less of it is free.  For my writing class, we are supposed to do a "presentation" using something other than Word.  She said something about blogs and I jumped at it...  A legitimate reason to be here! so first this post, and then I'll do the assignment to link to class.
A little catching up, for the first term, I got on the Deans List.  *happy dance*!  Then second term... Presidents List!  *happy dance* brokemyarmpattingmyselfontheback!  Who knows what'll happen this term!  I can't claim I'm enjoying myself, but I am proud.
I'm afraid this isn't the only thing to have suffered.  I haven't any new kitty pictures.  Have a story about Christmas though.  Every year the girls get new collars.  This year we stripped them early, and put their tags on the new collars before wrapping them.  How do we get them to open a wrapped gift?  Catnip.  Well, the only one with catnip in it was Monas, guess which one is *still* missing?
Actually, I do have a little something for you... An autumn storm turned Taughannock falls into a chocolate falls. (:


Well, as usual, Thanks for Noticing me!

 Wonka works  

Slack', slackin' away...

Holiday crafting, nasty colds, college classes, crushing exhaustion  and crashing computers.

this is a common position

                                   

this is not. (:                                      




 So here are the requisite cute/ silly kitties pictures

So apparently this "costume" doesn't even fit a small cat!

Sun spot sharing

Helping with homework

   This is the first "pattern free"

pumpkin bathroom tissue cover.  

Please bear with me, This is a Windows 8 OS and I'm not used to it yet, haven't figured out how to crop pictures on it.  My last computer crashed with no warning.  Opened it, and got the Blue Screen of Death.  Nothing happened after that.  I had to disable pop-up blocker to do homework, and didn't realize at the time I could do it for just that page/site.  I'm pretty sure I got a nasty virus from one of the many pop-ups that happened.
 It just seems there's no time for me lately.  Any time that isn't taken up with something important, is filled with things that *should* be done. I'm actually stealing half an hour just to finally play here.  There was a time that bedtime was somewhere between 1 and 2 am.  Now I'm lucky to make it to midnight.

Wow! Who's a whiner?  The good things are, I have a 3.8 GPA, all the yarn I could want to make a fabulous holiday season for my friends and family, a job, and the prospect of a better job on the horizon.  Life does not totally suck.  It's a work in progress, and I'm working on it.

How's your life going?

And as usual, 

Thanks for Noticing me!  

And something new...

Thanks for sticking around!

Lost!

My Blogger Dashboard is only about 1/8 of an inch, so I haven't been able to get on to post, or read any of my other blogs either!  I got lucky today and managed to click on something that got me to a page where I could finally post, but I still can't read any of the other blogs I like to follow.  Google needs to get its sh1t together!
SO!  I start my 7th week of ten in a semester, tomorrow.  I have a 93 in both classes, not too shabby for someone that hasn't been in a school for over 20 years!  I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the hell I was thinking! (:  
Moms Mothers day present was tickets to see the Beach boys and Hermans Hermits, and WOW!  So many cool things!  Hermans Hermits was the opening act, and it should have been called the Peter Noone Comedy Hour!  I laughed so hard, my sides hurt.  I developed an irrational attachment to the lead guitarist, so I went home and Googled him.  Now, not everyone knows this about me, but I was a Monkee Maniac as a teenager.  Turns out Vance Brescia, ( https://www.facebook.com/VBmusic?hc_location=timeline ) wrote the song the Monkees made their 80's comeback with.  How's that for coincidence?  The Beach Boys sounded fine, and their drummer? AH. MAZE. ZING!  Funny enough, H.H. were worth seeing more than the B.B!
And even in post mode... Blogger is sick.  Sorry folks.  I'll have video up, not great video... as soon as I upload them. (:

As usual... Thanks for Noticing me!

                   

Big steps

Well, it's official.  I am a college student!  I have to admit, it's strange and terrifying, even if it *is* online only.    I'm not really someone that makes a lot of changes in her life.  I'm a big fan of ruts.  Ruts don't have nasty surprises.  But lately, my life has been sadly rut-less.  Too many things change, and not mostly for the better, and I'm sick of my income fluxuating.  So, I'm finally going to do something about it.
Now,. some catching up...

This is what happens when I decide to clean, and reorganize my makeup case/

Ddasha Ddumbass

Mothers Day!

My Mothers Day gift from Mom, and #1. She bought the roses, and he did all the hard labor!

And #2 weeded the vegetable garden, and got it all set to plant!  (Those are chives growing in there.)

I don't have a picture, but I got mom tickets to see the beach Boys this summer!
So, what have *you* been up to?

And as usual,

Thanks for Noticing me!

Stunned

Today, my father has been gone for a whole year.
I didn't think it would bother me much.  Like I said, he's my daddy, but we clashed like water and fire, violently and loudly.
But.  There are moments.

Moments when the phone rings a little late in the evening, and I smile, and roll my eyes thinking it's him.

Moments when it just drifts through my head that I don't have a dad around anymore.  He's *always* been there.  And now he's not, and it feels.... Wrong.

He was a great dad, a great friend, a jerk, Eeyores role model, funny, smart, mean, sad, responsible, weird... And oddly enough, I find that I really miss him.

Love you daddy.

Critter, critter

So tonight, I came face to face with the reason I keep my backyard light on.
No, I didn't have my camera, and even if I had, it wouldn't have done any good, because I panicked and slammed the screen down.
  Sitting there at the window, *not* looking out into the side yard... (I have been forbidden to look out there until Sunday, because my mothers day gift from #1 son is apparently right outside my window) I figured I was safe to use that window, out of the rain spray, because I didn't have my light on so I couldn't see.  That's when something came strolling around the corner of the house! I'm pretty sure it was my irresponsible
neighbors cat, though I've never seen one of the ferrals *that* close to the house.  It could have been a fox... I'm close to positive that it had pointy ears.
I don't care *what* it was, I just about had a heart attack.  I don't think the critter was feeling particularly calm for the next few minutes either.  I mean really, how would you feel if you were out for an evening stroll and something just above you went, *inarticulate-gargle-noise* *SLAM*!  Well, the light's on now.  I'm still a little shakey, but that's just the panic subsiding.

Speaking of critters, my silly Easter cake this year.

Well, there's a filler for you.. more to come with big Mothers Day news!
And as usual...

Thanks for Noticing me!

I know, I know!

This was supposed to show Ddasha smushing Mona down between the mattress, and footboard, but this is what happened when the camera finally focused.

So.  Not a lot has been happening, which means I have no excuse for being a blog slacker.  I have also been a camera slacker, which is why, mostly, I've been so lousy about posting here.  I can say that I have gotten a ton of small chores done... You know, repotting plants, starting the seeds for the garden, not just dusting, but actually washing the things on the shelves...  And I've been doing a lot of yarn work.

My main client has been put in a nursing home, so I'm starting a whole new crop this next week, *that* ought to be interesting.
I hope to be able to remember to have my camera at the ready, and in the meantime, I'll be continuing to enjoy having open windows again!

Welcome spring!
And as usual,

Thanks for Noticing me!

Brrr!

I dare you to say "pretty bird" One. More. Time!

So I'm sitting here, on Sunday afternoon freezing myself out because I cannot bear One. More. Day. with closed windows.  It isn't even 40 degrees out there, but the sun is shining, and *most* of the snow is gone, and I find myself NEEDING the sight of green, and the smell of fresh, moist earth.  Apparently I'm not the only one, because my 2 sun- stealin', heat-suckin', insane cats, are sitting on the windowsills enjoying every breeze, and every scent.

I have *not* seen one of these yet.

The Solstice has come, and gone, and still there's snow on the ground, and Jack Frost is riding every zephyr, and I'm heartily sick of it!  Part of me wishes it would warm up already, and part of me is thinking, "Well, as long as when spring comes, we don't get a sneaky week of winter half-way through it this year!"  It may help if the tv ads weren't all about summer, and playing in the warm...

Oh well, enough musing on the weather, time to get some work done!  Happy Spring Peeps!
And as usual,

Thanks for Noticing me!

Our own pinstrosity.  Balloon ice marbles, didn't work out so hot.

Jealousy

I'd like to insert a link to the song *here*, but I'm not technically savvy enough to do it.

 I have too many interests, and not enough time, or ambition.  So I'd *like* to learn how to do that, and I'd *like* to learn how to sew and design well enough to make some costumes, (my mom was AWESOME at that when I was a kid), and I'd *like* to be the geek I know is in me.

I have piles of patterns in both knit and crochet, that I'd like to make, and books full of new stitches, and techniques.  I also have just enough agoraphobia to keep me home nights, and weekends, but not so much that I can't go shopping, or to work.

I have jealousy against those people that go out and do the things they love.  I'm always sure that the next time the opportunity arises, is the time I go and *DO IT*.  But there's always an excuse.  There are too many things to do, too many things that *need* to be done first, not enough time, not enough money, but it all boils down to finding my ambition.

The one thing I dislike most about my ordinary, dull life, is that I don't get to have cool stories.  If someone wrote my life as a book, there would be no takers.  Nothing exciting happened, or happens.  Which normally makes me extremely happy.  Exciting things are usually only pleasant after the fact, or exciting after the fact, or uplifting after the fact.  The fact is, that when the interesting thing is happening, it's usually pretty terrifying.  Sickness, action, adventure, travel....  Once you've overcome, and rested up, it's a great story to tell, but as it's happening, all you usually want is to go home.  Sleep in your own bed, have a decent cup of coffee, take a shower.

But there's still that niggle in the back of my head....  I want to go to a geek con, and meet actors that I admire, (or admired their characters) and other people that share my brand of oddness... I'd like to go to a big amusement park, and ride all the cool rides, just for the experience.  I'd like to try the color run, just because it sounds fun, (of course I don't want to die, so that's probably one of the most far out things that have passed through my brain).  I'd *really* like to make money doing things I love, and carrying out cool ideas I've had, but again, there are so many things involved in doing that, that I have no idea where I'd even start.

So instead, I sit here at my computer, and I blog about it, and I feel jealousy, not searing, all-encompassing, jealousy, but just a small bit, against those that go out and *do*.  All the well wishes in the world, and the "you can do it"s, won't be able to change me, or my situation.  I'm just glad I have a great imagination, a love of reading, and books, and blogs, to take me anywhere I'd like to go.

Happy Spring!  And...

Thanks for Noticing me!

Bad, bad, bad girl.

No excuse, I'm a slacker!  

So, Here are the obligatory cute kitties.

Looks like *I* am not allowed to change the station.

The elusive Misticus, Fatticus. Or as we like to call her, Mystique.

I Keep losing my cursor!

So, I've been busy...  I promise! 

FINALLY!!

I finished the shawl on Valentines day!!  Just a little late.  hee!

This tray used to have an ugly bottom, Thank you Aunt Lydias!

 

I used something too harsh on this tray the first time I tried to polish it, and it's apparently plate.  For *years* I have been trying to hide it, but I decided to finally make a mat for it.  This is Aunt Lydias crochet thread, in silver.  *love it*!

I'm not fond of the green, it was supposed to be a sage color, which would have been gorgeous, instead it's merely pretty.

 I finally finished My blanket!  It's MINE.  I took some time after finishing the shawl, the last of the Holiday gifts, to do some stuff I planned to make for myself, that has been sitting around, languishing in bags, waiting for me to make them.  I *was* working on a vest, in Chenille, that was supposed to be a partner to one I made for my mom YEARS ago!  But now, I'm volunteering 2 projects for the high school play, and I've finally been given clearance to make the sweater, and the yarn is in, and ready for pick up.

Red Wine Cupcakes... You've never had fluffier cupcakes in your life!

This is the easiest!  Just substitute a sweet red wine for the water in the boxed chocolate cake mix.    Oh, and make sure, when you buy red frosting, that you get enough for all the cupcakes, not *just under half* of them.   LOL!

So, that has been my month, How about you?

Thanks for Noticing me!

Whooopsie!

Yeah, I knew I'd be a slacker, but,  umm,  WOW!

 In my defense, before Christmas, aside from the shawl, (which *still* isn't finished!)  I made 6 pairs of slippers, 3 infinity scarves, and 2 hats.

Okay, okay, I know....

I'd love to know what they heard out there, because they went from dead asleep, to looking out the window in a nanosecond!

Of course I never got any pictures of the work I did! I'm going to have to get one of at least one pair.  I also haven't gone through the paltry Christmas pictures I have to edit them either.  Yes, yes, slacker, I know.  And now I've been commissioned to make a mobius type sweater!   Soooo, Woohoo!

So, how were your Holidaze?

As usual...

Thanks for Noticing me!

           

The mess

I started out planning on a fun, and self congratulatory post, but since it was about Christmas presents, it got me to thinking...

The Holidays are such a stressful time, and usually it isn't even on our own behalf.  We want it all perfect, *for everyone else*.

I've come to the conclusion, that I'm not perfect.  Therefore, nothing about my holiday is going to be perfect. My kids will make me nuts, my food will be tasty, but not outstanding, someone will be less than thrilled with whatever gift I give them.  But here's the deal...

I'm sharing these days with my family, and with my friends.  They accept that I am not perfect.  They understand that I can't afford to buy them some of the things I want to give them, for the same reason they can't afford to buy them for themselves.  But they know that what I can give them is my undying, and unconditional love.  Behind every meal, behind every gift, behind every snark, giggle, and joke, is my affection for them.

I guess the moral here, is, why the hell are we stressing?  Let it go.  If the food isn't edible, does it matter? Will they hate you? No!
If there are only 1 dozen cookies left, will they hate you?  Ok, maybe, but still!

Let it go, and just enjoy being with the people you love, and who love you too.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today, I am thankful for so very many things.
 For the opportunity to express my views without persecution.
For the love of my family and friends.
For the laughter shared.
For the roof over my head, and the food in my stomach.
For my girls...
For my boys.
I am thankful that the place where I live, here in the N.E., was undisturbed by Sandy.

Today, while lighting the candles on my overfull table, I will think of the people I know, and that I never knew, that have no warm home,  no table left to gather around, and hope that very soon, they will be able to go back to their normal lives.

I will think of loved ones gone, never to share our table again.  And once again...

Be thankful for so very many things.

Happy, Healthy, Holiday to you all... Wherever you may be.

Much love,

Amanda

I. Am bored.

This almost never happens to me.  I can't even remember the last time I was this bored.  It's one of those "I'm bored"s that comes with total apathy.  My fingers ache, so yarn is out of the question... I don't feel like reading, and the internet has failed.  Failed *utterly*!  An epic, and utter, failure, the internet is tonight.  Did I mention I'm bored?  I get wordy when I'm bored. And I drone on, and on, and on...

Meet Ichi.  Our second suicidal Japanese fighting....Betta.










The first one... George... Managed to jump out of the tank.  My bad. I had it filled too high, and didn't have the lid on all the way... WHO KNEW?!?!  He was still alive when I dumped him back in the tank, but I guess he was out too long by the time we noticed.  (Those suckers dry out *fast*!)

I must've noticed Ichi right away, because he's still kicking a week later.  I still have no idea how he managed to swim fast enough to go through the plastic seaweed, and through the tiny gap in the lid, but, well, there it is.
Here he's in his new amusement par... ummm... tank.  It has a filter, and bubbler with lights.  he swims to the bottom of the tank, stays there by furiously spinning his fins, then lets himself drift into the bubbles and rides them to the top.  Pretty funny to watch, but I always thought he must be bored just swimming around in a tank with nothing but bits of plastic to amuse himself with.

That's my problem! I think I need to go search the internet for a giant bubbler!  Or I could, y'know, go to bed.

As usual folks,
Thanks for Noticing me!